Why I’m Taking a Break from Dating in 2024

And it’s not what you think.

I only just got back into the world of dating last year. I went through a divorce the previous year, and even though things ended amicably, I knew I needed some time to myself. I needed to understand why I married a man I knew deep down was not for me. I needed to learn who I was and what I wanted and needed from myself and others.

So once I did all those things, I got back into the wonderful world of dating. And…my time there was short lived. I won’t go into detail, because I don’t like to put people on blast. I think it’s unfair if they’re not around to defend themselves. In short, I’m tired of all the “battle of the sexes” crap online that has permeated dating IRL. So many people are running around like tornadoes of trauma, swooping up unsuspecting souls on their way to destruction. Whew! Can you tell I’m tired? lol

This was a tough decision for me to make. You see, the only example I have of a relationship is my parents'. They met at the age of 18, dated through college and got married by graduation with twins on the way. That was 40+ years ago, and they are still together. More than that, they used to run the Marriage Ministry at my church growing up, have counseled countless couples professionally, and even wrote a book on relationships and marriage. They have built businesses, survived financial ruin and rebuilt it all—together. My parents are THE definition of a true partnership. They are the most beautiful expression of love I have ever seen, and that is kind of love I wanted.

But growing up plus size and black, the world really tries to tell you what you deserve. It wasn’t like people were screaming this at me. No, it was more subtle. I learned this from watching romance movies and never seeing a plus size girl as the lead. I learned this from being told that I should lose weight “so boys will talk to me.” There were so many ways I was conditioned to believe that I was never going to get that “real” love.

Now, I know this is not true, but at the time, it felt true. I was convinced I would never find a love like my parents’ and so, I settled. And it was one of the worst decisions of my life. Marrying—let alone dating—the wrong person can derail your life. I don’t care what anyone says. Never. Settle.

So, why am I taking a break from dating? Well, it’s simple. I have come to the conclusion that dating is a distraction. I don’t mean this in a general sense, so please don’t just up and quit dating on my behalf. Dating is a distraction, for me. In trying to find a true partner, I allow myself to get distracted. And it’s not a bad thing per se. I make time for the people I’m dating. And for that time to go to them, I have to take that time from somewhere else. But when things go wrong or it just doesn’t work out, I realize I didn't really get anything valuable from the interaction. Not long-term anyway. I know it’s not always the case, but it just feels like time wasted. If you’ve seen my 2024 Goals, then you know that 2024 is The Year of Execution. We aren’t playing any games this year. For that to happen, I can’t get distracted.

I’m actually excited about this. I’ve never made a conscious decision to not date. Years ago, a friend of mine told me that if the decision you’re making is in line with what God has for you, you’ll feel at peace about it. That is how I feel about this. I can’t explain it, but I just know that I’m doing the right thing for me and for my future.